Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Nob-ends in Bentleys

Dear Blog,

Thank goodness you are here, always ready to absorb my deepest thoughts, profoundest emotions, VILEST RANTS. Indeed it is for the latter that I come to you today.

This evening I was riding my bicycle rather fast down Park Street - a busy and very steep street in the middle of Bristol - when a man in a Bentley overtook me. Already this was somewhat foolish as it was very busy, there is only one lane in each direction, and I was right in the middle of my lane and travelling in excess of the speed limit.

This man's foolishness was compounded by the fact that, after overtaking, he immediately slammed on his brakes for no apparent reason, resulting in me slamming on my brakes, skidding, and nearly kissing his rear bumper with my cherub lips. I'll admit that after my heart had stopped beating at 1000rpm, those same cherub lips did let loose some profanity. To quote the big bad bloke in Nil By Mouth: Cunt! Cunt! I'll stab you in the head!

(In actual fact I didn't quite reach such a level of profane invention, but the sentiments were similar.)

I do not know whether this man was deliberately being a fuckwit or if, rather, he was just oblivious to the needs of cyclists to keep their head a goodly distance from the road surface. On some level the distinction matters not a jot: he nearly killed me and it PISSED ME OFF.

Two hours later I am starting to simmer down. I am hoping that releasing my irritation into this blog will allow me a final cathartic release. Indeed, I feel better already: I am love and light, the man in the Bentley is an integral and vital part of the universe, and I breath goodness and peace in his general direction.

Shanti Shanti Shanti Oooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

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